Merry the day after Christmas day!

Sorry about that drunk post(as if anyone is paying any attenchin to this blog anyway) but i was fucked up and APPARENTLY decided it was a good idea to post while drunk. yea. work's been killing me lately since it' sthe christmas season so that is why this blog has gone unused as of late. Im really caught up with family trouble's and with work and the christmas season overall. It's one of my favorite times of year though! i love being able to curl up in front of a Christmas tree and just listen to music...it reminds me that lifes not all that bad or hectic as it seems. :3 yessssss

The situation with my mom went better than I thought it would...she's been getting straight the last few years, getting off drugs and tryingto get her life back in order i guess...I forgave her for what happened but I told her I still wont forget and I dont think of her as a mother all things considered. she was very sad, but understood...I guess we'll see what happens from here, wont we?

nope

not even a little bit. i dontt think i should be typing rioght nowp but yknow i wantted to make post updating evrybody on wha happend with my mom but im dtoo drunk to do that heheehehehe hehehe

haha

yeah im ggonna shut up nown g o puke i think

Stop Being Me

Just a song kind of about how im feeling right now. That's it.



coked out doped out
fucked in the head
the dreams of a pink punk
are dead
fuck this neurosis

kick me, black teeth
get me back up
decliration of loss
bashed sick puppy dogs
strung out like a scizophrenic
lovestruck demon still living
in my brain

late nights stuck up
cooped in an attic
with a bitch, my only friend
scribbling nonsense to myself(stealing whore!)
lost it once before
lose it again

beat my head into
men that cant stand me
till people believe im just not
meant to be
with anyone friendly or personable

stereotypical complex
of the usual kind
time to get out of my own fucking
MIND

this blog is officially an outlet for all of my most random and personal shit.

It didn't

So remember how I said I lived with my dad up until 2 years ago? Yeah, well, that's because my mother is a psychotic hormonal coke-fiend who pretty much ruined my childhood. She used to torment me when I was young, and since my dad couldn't get custudy that pretty much meant I was left all by my lonesome at this insane bitches mercy. :/ bummer, man. right?

Well the other day when I went to hang out with my Dad, he said he wanted to tell me some stuff about mom and I figured it was gonna be pretty bad. It was. :( apparently my Mom is wanting to see me...make amends or some bullcrap like that. I dont like it, she was a schizoid from Hell. like, I honestly dont know what I'm going to say to her when I see her but Im pouring my guts out to this blog anyway hoping something will come up in my brain that will help.

My mom...I haven't talked to her in so long, the last time I think was when she came over to see my dad and was trying to bum money for cigarettes or alcohol or drugs or whatever the fuck else she needed...its all she ever does to my dad, and he does it for her because he's still in love with the woman she used to be and blah blah blah blah no one wants to listen to your stupid shit about your mom and dad June. still, I told her to get the hell out of my house last time I saw her, sooooooo....yea. That was back when I was 14, too.

when i was little, like under 10, she used to call me a whore and tell me I was stealing men from her. That doesnt make any fucking sense, but then she was usually too strung out on drugs to think straight or make any sense. I remember one time when she didnt have enough money to buy what we needed from the groscry store, and she took me home very calmly and proceeded to destroy everything in our house and just fuck up our home...I hid under bed the whoel time. it was scary as fuck for a little 10 year old!

so yea...Im not very interested in what she has to say, but grrrrrrr I suppose Ill have to give it a shot. I mean she is my mom afterall. Gotta go to work again now, but ill post about this later. as if anyone really cares. lol Byeee <3

Y'know

I was pretty broken up there for a while, literally, over Paul...but i mean what am I gonna do? what's done is done and it can't be taken back. Thats life really. I think Imma write a song about it and post it up tomorrow. Not much else to say on that.

tomorrow I'm also going to see my dad and my little brother, who is 6. his name is markus and he's a real sweetheart, but I dont really relate very well to him, y'know...? He was born so long after me, and he's only my halfbrother since my Dad and his new girlfriend had him. still, he's a sweet kid and it'll be nice to see him and my dad again. My dad says he wants to talk to me about my mom, so Im kind of dreading that. But despite the BS right now I'm kind of feeling peacefull...hopefully it lasts lol