I've got enemies in high places

I tried to tell one of my friends but she doesn't believe me. It didnt help that I was drunk at the time. I'm usually better at controling myself when Im wasted but what the fuck was I supposed to do? maybe its good Carol didn't believe me anyway. Afterall it seems when you hear about thsi thing it finds you. But then how do you explain me? I didnt know about it...I didnt know what the hell it was until it started taking kids, until HE started doing this to our city. It's being considered a string of abductions and all I can do is sit here and cry and freak out and I don't know what to do, I jus tdon't, how does anyone

no.

Im not gonna fuckin take it sitting down I can tell you that!


I have always been called a strongwilled person and I refuse to run like some other people. not that theres anything wrong with that decision but I cant leave my home. My best and worst years have been here and my dad needs me. my family needs me. and Ill be damned if Im gonna abadon the most important people in my life for this shithead faceless thing...it just boggles my mind. In a strange bit of realistic news, Paul asked me if i needed any help with anything regarding markus and finding him. I havent talked to him since we broke up, but....Im considering asking for his help. I don't know if I shoudl though.

we'll see how things go from here. bye peopel who don't read my blog. <3

Another Song About How Sad I Am

life just threw a curveball
ive come to expect
things i dont expect but
how am i supposed to
deal with this?!

please tell me why this
painful pointed past
has come back to haunt
me!
im burnin up now!!

make the change before shit
hits the fan and goes up in flames
im confused/lost/scared and
broken and im still the same
leave me be for a minute.

hello new friend, how are you?
ive got lots of things
to do, so leave
me alone, yeah get out
of my fucking face

the dam has broken
and the life i led before is
ready to be swept the hell
away from me in a fit
of melancholy

my heads changed
my brains changed
my bodys changed
but you stay the same
staring/watching/waiting for
my biggest mistake

Crazy

This is crazy...this cant fucking be real, but it is.

I've never heard of this Slenderman shit until now, okay? I really had no idea this thing was out there, doing what it's doing, and people were actually dealing with it. I dont understand how this thing can exist in people's minds and in the real world as well. I don't know what to do right now, this is just clogging my vision and it doesnt make any sense. I've seen him more and more often lately...He shows up and sometimes there are kids with him, sometimes when I pass kids on the street he's there. Staring. Doing nothing but staring. I just don't know.

This is all too much for me right now.

I don't know what to do right now or how to put into words what Ive just fucking seen.

Y'know when you see something that just...doesnt make sense? You cant explain it and it wont be believed by anyone, and so you just brush it off and try to stuff it down. Well  icant do that anymore. I thought I was imagining this but I can't be anymore, it doesnt make any sense and I'm perfectly lucid. I'm not doing cocaine, I'm not near scizophrenic like my mom and.......

I saw Markus this time. but he was with that man that Ive been seeing, seeing out of the corner of my eye and feeling in the shadows....literally feeling. markus's face.....it was so pale white, like a ghost. let me try to explain the situation in which this ocured, actually. it'll make more sense in conttext, or at least thats what i hope. actually I'm gonna grab a cigarette first

Okay. What I havent said lately about Markus disappearing is that its not just him. the thing is, lots of kids have been going missing. And they think its some pedophile or something, but I know different. I know different and I CANT FUCKING TELL ANYONE, because they'll just think Im crazy....every time one of these kids, has gone missing I've seen them except markus...until now. There's been....this man. He wears a suit and I thought, 'holy shit, there's the guy!' and reported him to the police. But they have no idea what I'm talking about.

And now....nnow I've seen him with markus. and I don't like it, because markus didn't look human anymore, and the man.....the man doesn't have a face. I...I dont know what to think of that. I dont want to think about that, because it implies so much more is going on here than anyone knows and how do I deal with being the only person who knows about this? What do i do right now? Y'know? I hate it when I'm right.

I hope Im not going crazy, but I'm really questioning myself lately. Maybe I should stop taking these stupid fucking happy pills for my depression and see what happens.

Markus

answers come slowly but without respite
from the pain that we feel each lonely night
answers arent out there
without passing glance
and im wishing that i could just
return to ignorance

life is worth living
shit happens every day
but they constant toil of work and of play
keeps me thinking about this

Missing person photographs
and a cigarette for my
nerves it hurts every day
the work and the play
but that photograph
keeps calling me back

nerves shot, brain dead,
ive gone and done all that i said
but i cant get over the feeling that somethings missing
something is missing.

haven't found him yet

hey again, I hope you know you've ruined my life...you stupid blog. lol

Im thinking laughter is a good way to diffuse the tension in my life right now...dad's a wreck. Moms gone. Markus is gone. and Im probably going out of my mind but just dont knwo it yet. Maybe I really am like my mom in some ways, paranoid and crazy and just out of her head with all these smart things to say and no way to convay them. But Im not really very smart, honestly. People think i am but I'm not. Im just...I dunno, hwo do I put it into words? ugh fuck, I need a smoke.

I'm probably a little too tipsy to be writing this blog post but, y'know? I dont care. I need to get this out ther and not have someone criticize me or tear me down. Ive been...feeling odd lately. thats the only way I can put it. like there is something affoot with my brother getting kidnapped and it just hasnt revealed itself yet. That may sound crazy, but I dunno. my intuition has steered me right before and Im going to trust it this time...investigation is needed, answers are there but buried somewhere secret.

Im gonna write a song about it I think

The Search

Markus still hasn't been found. I've been too pre-ocupied  with that to really update this shitty blog at all and my life has gone to hell since. I just...my mother disappeared as well. The police think she might have been the one too take him, and Im inclined to agree. I should have known the bitch would pull something like this! all that crap about getting straight was fucking BULLSHIT, she just wanted to get inside my goddamn skull and make me fucking thing she had fucking changed. fucking bitch fuck

Ill bet she sold him for drug money or some shit too, the stupid whore..... no, that sounds paranoid and delusional, like my mother. And I refuse to sound like that ever. I don't know what happened to markus and my mom, or why Im even posting about it on this blog, but something is up and I want to find out what. If I can help the police in any way, I will. Maybe this blog could help, maybe Markus has been kidnapped and someone out there knows where he is and will happen upon this blog...

god, hope is killing me here.